So you think you want to run a marathon

Let me be the first to admit, the end of my marathon was not the victorious image that I had in my head. I had envisioned myself bounding across the finish line, arms raised, a huge grin on my face. What really happened was more of a dragging of my deadened limbs across the line, head thrown back because i didn't have the energy to hold it up straight anymore and my mouth half open in a moan. Super victorious. The first words out of my mouth when I crossed the finish line were " I am never. doing. that. again."

Well, its almost two weeks later. I have only been running once since, and yet I am already considering when my next one will be. Mom compared it to having a baby, which was weirdly appropriate. I suppose the accomplishment erases the pain after a little bit.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Mom arrived on Thursday night. I missed the first bus to the airport so I was about 40 minutes late. When i got there she was sitting in the arrival's area looking adorably nervous. I brought her a Hallabong ( a Korean hybrid tangerine ) and we shared it together while waiting for the bus back to Pyeongtaek.

For the first part of the visit I was feeling really off. I was in a bit of a perpetual funk as I thought about my marathon. I had been out of commission from running for almost a week and a half because of my sickness and my hospital visit - I have to admit - I was freaking out. I knew I had to try to run the marathon, but i was terrified that I wouldn't be able to finish and I knew how disappointed I would be with myself if I couldn't. Mom and I rode the train to Seoul on Saturday morning. We took the subway to our hotel, changing subway lines three times. I probably shouldn't have done this, as we had to lug our suitcases all over the platforms and I wanted to save my legs for the next day, but I wanted to show my mom how to use the subway system. Mom was going to have to use the subway system the next day to get from the starting line to the finish line, and she was freaking out about getting lost in Korea and not being able to communicate with anyone.

Our hotel was pretty amazing. Heated floors, a living room, a refrigerator, washing machine, stove, sink....it was amazing. We spent the rest of the day watching movies on tv and giggling about the Korean commercials. For dinner that night we ate at the restaurant in the hotel, "montour." Mom ordered "pizza" and I got seafood pasta which was complete with oysters, squid, baby octopus, and other unknowns. After dinner, back in the room, I laid out my clothes, tied my timing chip to my shoes, and pinned my race number to my shirt.

After eight hours of sleep broken up five or six times by stumbling to the bathroom to pee, I woke up to eat half of a dry bagel and a banana and get dressed. I hadn't felt that nervous since Saturday mornings on the speech circuit. So I dealt with the nerves in the same way I did during speech. I put in my headphones and jammed out to some serious tunes. The same tunes, I might add, that I gave to one of my besties, Maddy, for her senior year AFA (speech nationals)...which she is at....right....now. I am have been thinking about my team constantly, and am so proud of the direction that the team seems to have taken recently. I hope that they are rocking out to some of the jams that I shared. See, you can be in Korea and still be connected.

Mom and I took the subway to the starting line. The race packet told me that I would have to take public transportation because everything would be shut down, so I tried to get a hotel room close to the starting line....I knew I was close when I reserved the room, but the subway stop right outside of our apartment was literally one stop away from the start. It was great not having to stress about that. Once we stepped off of the subway and on to the platform - I just can't describe it. Koreans. EVERYWHERE. So many people. Mom grabbed onto my jacket and held on for dear life as I navigated the crowds. Hundreds of groups in matching gear were stretching together down in the Subway platform because it was shielded from the wind that was gusting at up to 17mph. The smell....icy-hot. There were clouds as men were spraying down their calves and their clothing. It was like breathing in Vicks Vapor rub.

The starting line is on one of the most famous intersections in Seoul. It is a small ways away from the "blue house" (Korea's White House). In the center is a huge statue of Admiral Yi Sun Shin. Yi Sun Shin is famous for his courage and loyalty during the conflicts with the Japanese and for helping build the first iron clad ships in the world. The intersection is really open with Gyeongbokgung palace to the north and the mountains rising up behind that. People were everywhere and I had no idea where to go. I spotted a white person and grabbed them in the hopes that they spoke English. Victory! He asked me if I was a member of the Seoul Flyers (a Seoul running club) which of course, I was not, but he still told me to follow him back to the group. The Seoul Flyers were clustered around the Yi statue, some jumping around in the vain attempt to keep warm. Did I mention that it was 0 Degrees Celcius? We joined the group and I got to meet a few people, one of which was the wife(Lara) of previously mentioned Caucasion(James). Imagine my surprise when we learned through our small talk that Lara was actually from - wait for it - Overland. Park. Kansas. She insisted that Mom join her as she followed the marathon and Mom dissolved into tears. "Mom, " I hissed, "you can not cry!" "God is good." was all she would say. Oh mommo.

The starting times were staggered to ease congestion so while I waited for my group to begin I chatted it up with several of the Seoul Flyers. I struck up a quick friendship with Jewel, a woman who's goal time was almost exactly what my pre-hospital visit goal time was and decided that I would try to run with her. Foolish, foolish Anne. I feet confident and smooth for the first third of the marathon and I was able to stick with her up to about the Half mark. Suddenly, at the 20 kilometer mark, I realized that things were going to get rough real soon. I could sense that leaden feeling creeping into my legs. I knew that feeling. I got it at the very end of my long runs. I was nowhere near the end of this VERY long run. So I kept running.

It is so hard to explain how it feels to "hit the wall." You are running. You are exhausted. You are frustrated with yourself because you can't go faster. You start focusing on everyone else around you - thinking that they could not possibly feel how you are feeling, because obviously you are in the most pain out of everyone in the whole wide world. And while you are thinking about all the people around you, you are unnaturally aware of how totally miserable you are. Your legs could fall off. Your lungs have literally gotten so tired that your breath is shallow and your chest hurts. You feel like you are running as fast as you could possibly run, and yet you are shuffling along at what you are disgustingly aware of as a snails pace. So you want to stop. Your legs, your lungs, your feet, your arms are all screaming at you to STOP. This is the point when most people stop to walk or quit. And perhaps all those walkers know something that I don't. It is probably smart to walk and pick up again when you can put more effort into it, but all I had in my head was "Gurrrl, you better not let your butt stop, because God knows if you are going to start up again." I cursed a LOT in my head. I haven't cursed that much since high school. Its a good thing that most Koreans don't know English because when I finally crossed the Han river and realized that I still had about 6 miles to go, I actually let out a few choice phrases. But hey, I never walked. Its not much, but its one of the things I am most proud of.

I finished in 4 hours, 42 minutes, and 38 seconds. Nowhere near my goal, but all things considered, I am very proud of myself.

Like I said, my first words to my mother who was grinning and waiting for me at the end was that I was never doing it again, but I think I just might. I want to try running a marathon with all the strategies that I learned this time around and avoiding the injuries that I sustained this year with my back. I mean, I HAVE to defend my title as the fastest marathoner in the family. Just you try to take that away from me Mark, I dare you. Nothing like a little friendly family competition to get our rears in gear.

Mom and I collected my metal and my bag of food, I downed three bottles of water within five minutes, and we made our way to the subway station for the long ride back to the hotel. Once at the hotel I made a very important stop at the 7-11 on the first floor of the hotel to purchase chocolate. I purchase some delicious cookies with chocolate caps on them and a few chocolate bars. I ate them all that night. I guess I shared the cookies with mom, but we just relaxed on the sofa drinking Coke Zeros and watching movies all night long.

When I woke up the next day, every single inch of my body ached. This is not an exaggeration. If I shrugged, I moaned a little bit. I called into work and took one of my sick days - I totally needed it - and my mother and I slept in and decided to explore Seoul a little bit.

But THAT, my dears, is another story for another day. If you are lucky, and if you nag my mom a bit, we might be able to talk her into a "guest post." I have already asked her to write down her observations and email them to me. You up for it?

You think that _*insert problem here*_ can stop me?

Listen,

I went to the doctor yesterday for another massage and I told him that although the lumbar corset feels better than standing on my own, I was walking all funny and the right hip and back was really really painful. He watched me walk for three paces and said "ah yes, I think, that these muscle spasms have...made you...how should I say...un-parallel. Great. Add Insult to injury. My hips were un-aligned due to the way my muscles were trying to heal. The doctor then told me that he was going to give me a shot in my back. *comedic double take* Buh-where? He turned to Sarah and explained the medical jargon and technicalities of the shot in Korean. Then I turned to Sarah for the translation. She looked at me seriously and said "No." *Second comedic double-take* Buh-whaaa? "I do not think that you should hear this." She told me. "I know that you do not like shots"

Its a good GD thing that she did not tell me what was about to happen. I had to lay face-down on a table with my pants pushed down while the doctor manipulated my back, asking which manipulation hurt most. Once he found the most excruciating place, he stuck a needle into my back. And. Kept. It. There. I could feel it going up and down. The whole time I was freaking out in my head I kept wondering what in the world he was doing - Sarah told me later that he was making sure to move around to all areas of the muscle - even she had to look away. Once he finished, I whimpered in relief which soon became a whimper of pain as he did it again!

The cool thing? TOTALLY WORTH IT. I don't know what was in it - I think he mentioned steroids when my brain was half freaking out, but it was amazing. It was like my muscles let out a collective sigh and re-aligned. Suddenly, I could walk without pain. I could sit up without supporting my back. I could bend forward. Its not perfect. I think my hip will be a little sore, but I am incredibly happy. At school, my students were relieved to see a pain free (and thus a little less bitchy) teacher. They all gave me a group hug when I told them that my back was not "ouchie" any more. After my day of almost no pain, I decided to get out there and run tonight after work. Come hell or high water.

Of course it started to snow.

Oh, but it was one of those really gorgeous early spring snows. You know, the really heavy, wet, on the verge of melting snows that just weighs down all the trees and seems to dampen all the noise of the city? By the time I walked out of the stairwell, a thick layer was covering everything. I started out cautiously, monitoring every twinge. For the first two miles you couldn't wipe the idiotic grin off my face. No one else was on the trail. The lyrics "I will be stronger" from my ipod gave me shivers and I actually closed my eyes and willed my body to remember this run forever. The sound of my breath in my ears. The snow already covering my shoulders. The dulled sound of my steps in the snow. Perfect. I have to admit that I felt a little sluggish. I thought I was going slower than normal and I felt a little worn for the 4 miles I put in. My time ended up surprising me. 8:20-8:30 at each mile. I guess my body didn't forget what to do.

But one of the best parts of my run happened on my way back in. I had just finished up the 4th mile and had climbed up the stairs from the trail to the street. It was still snowing and I waited in a large group of people for the light to change so that we could cross the street to the apartment complexes. There was this halmonnee (pronounced Harmony - Grandmother) waiting patiently with her little black grocery sack and her umbrella. She saw me and walked in that slow grandmother-way over to me with a smile. She asked me, in Korean, if I spoke "hangul?"

"Hangul-mal, chogum" I said, apologetically. If my admitting that I only spoke a little Korean bothered her, I didn't see it. She began to cluck softly over me. She continued to speak to me in Korean, her words flowing smoothly as she whipped out her little flowered handkerchief and wiped all of the snow off of my face and shook it out of my braids. She insisted that I walk with her across the street under her umbrella and when we parted - I felt like this had been one of the greatest encounters I have ever had. Not just in Korea. This "Harmony" will be with me forever.

Good, nay, Fantastic news

I went to work today. It was pretty darn excruciating. As noted in my previous post, my muscles were aching from being electrocuted by spasms and I was favoring my left side which didn't help my muscles heal evenly. During every break time I would lie down on a cushion on the floor which would re-align things for a while. The other teachers treated me like china doll. The word spread like wild-fire between the Korean teachers and soon I was not allowed to carry my own lunch tray or even shuffle down the hall if it was not necessary. I have some very kind-hearted co-workers.

My new director-ish person, Kelly, has back problems as well, and she insisted that I go see the back therapists that she went to. I was hesitant at first, I don't like the idea of chiropractors in the US, so who knows what kind of crazy voodoo science Korea comes up with. Kelly was insistent and I was in pain, so after school Sarah teacher took me to the Spine doctor.

The man spoke almost perfect English. It was like finding a precious gem. I could talk to him about my back-ask him any questions about treatment, and he would ANSWER ME! No translation necessary. Sarah is the best translator, but I am always a little worried that parts of my concerns will be lost in translation.

So I got another shot in the butt. Ugh. I hate needles, and I probably would have been a lot more upset, but I was distracted by the fact that the nurse smacked my butt sharply like five times before she put the needle in. Seriously. When Sarah saw my face, she laughed so hard. Its like a thing in Korea. Nurses smack the area before they inject. I sort of liked it. Not for the smack, sickos, but for the fact that I was totally distracted by the weirdness of an asian woman smacking my butt - I didn't even have time to freak out about a piece of metal sliding into my skin.

The doctor gave me a lumbar corset (sort of like a brace for my back) which I am to wear only when in pain....which I was a little sad about because this sexy grandmother girdle with steel stays would have been the best accessory to all of my outfits. He was able to tell me what in the world all the little pills that the hospital gave me were (the two that I thought were unnecessary actually WERE unnecessary - the hospital had me on xanax for anxiety and some gastro pill for digestion).

But the best part. The very best part: He agrees with me. He said that I was right to assume that running was an important part of keeping my back healthy and that I should plan on continuing the marathon! Brilliant man. I am pleased with him. 40 minutes after my consultation, I had a laser light shone on my back, a hot pad, and an electrical stimulation massage. I walked out of there feeling much better than when I walked in. Not perfect, mind you, but maybe - just maybe- a little bit closer towards my goal of running that marathon.

Well This Weekend has been eventful

Let me just preface my story with this: My family has a history of bad backs. My Dad, two of my brothers, my sister and I have all had issues with our backs at one time or another. Katie even had to have surgery to fix her herniated disc. Mark is the only lucky SOB who managed to escape our tragic fate.

I thought I was safe until about two years ago. That was when I had my first episode. I would be down for three or four days in utter misery, but then I would be back on my feet and feel like nothing had happened. Since that first time, every 6 to 8 months I would have another blow out. Same as before.

This Friday, I got out of my taxi after school, and I noticed that my back felt a little funny. Sometimes I can nip it in the bud by icing and resting, so thats what I did. I got an ice pack and watched a show in bed. Feeling better, I got up to put the ice pack back in the freezer, and when I went back to sit down on my bed, mid-way there I froze. I knew right then, at that second, that I was in trouble. Its so hard to explain, but the pain that was radiating from my lower back was so intense that I couldn't stop myself from screaming out. Its hot. Its vibrating. Its like all your muscles are contracting at the same time but they are burning. All you can think about is the pain and how you have to figure out how to get down to the bed and lay down, but every movement you make, every fraction of an inch is agony. You force your body to get down, using your arms and legs to make any adjustments you can, because your back is out of the question. You wait for the waves of pain to get less intense...the ripples smaller. You don't realize how much you use your back until you can't use it anymore. If you want to slide one inch over in the bed, you have to lift your hips in order to do so. So you can't. You just lie there. Crying. I took one anti-inflammitory, and one muscle relaxer - nothing. I decided to sleep it out. Usually, the next day is better after icing, rest, and meds.

So I had a restless 8 hours. I had two pillows under my knees, but i still woke up every two hours to a throbbing pain. When I woke up I tried to get to the bathroom, but I realized that I couldn't stand up. I slid my right leg over the bed, then the left, and slid my body down to the floor, using my bed as a stabilizer. I then crawled to the bathroom, once there, I used the doorknob to try to pull myself up, but realized that once I was halfway standing that I couldn't move my hips over to sit. I was in the same position as when I tried to sit down on the bed. I crumpled to the floor - as quickly as one can when their body is rejecting the movement. Thats how my roommate found me five seconds later. Crying on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor. I crawled back to my room and called one of my co-workers, Sarah. She came over quickly and she and her sister (who is a nurse) got me out into the car and drove me to the hospital.

They put me in the emergency room. Immediately they gave me a shot of something into my hip. I am assuming it was cortizone, but really, I don't know. They put an iv in my forearm and some doctor came over and started lifting my legs up in the air to check range of motion. 20 degrees. Thats how far my legs could go up without me crying out. They gave me xrays. The doctor told me there was nothing wrong with my bones. Then they took me in for a CT scan. They found it. A bulging disc in between my A and B lumbar. Sweet. The doctor came back to me and told me that a bulging disc is just painful. Understatement of the century. Its the herniated discs that need surgery. From what I read, most bulging discs heal on their own, however people with family histories of bad backs tend to have a chronic tendancy towards getting them. My back would be fine. I just need to start taking my genetically weak dispositioned back seriously. I need to start a back strengthening routine that I stick to. If I don't, this WILL happen again - heck, even if I do, this could happen again, but I need to be proactive.

As for the marathon. I so very much appreciate everyone's concern and prayers during this scary time. I want you to know that I am not taking this episode lightly. I understand how serious back injuries are, and believe me, I don't want another relapse. That being said. If I can run this marathon, I will. I worked so very hard for 18 weeks, and I still have seven days to heal up.

I realize now that what I said on facebook about needing surgery if my disc ruptured may have given people the wrong idea. If I had been lifting something heavy, or if I had been in an accident, my disc could have ruptured, but the bulge has gone back in place now. When your back spasms, your body is forcing your muscles to go rigid in order to prevent further damage, but what this does is freeze your back so that your disc can not move back into the proper position. The shot and the medicine that the hospital gave me, along with the past two days of bedrest has allowed my disc to move back into the correct position. The pain that I feel now, is the pain of muscles that have been very tight and have been essentially shocked with electricity; not the pain of a disc that is still out of place. Every other time that this happened to me, I was down for a few days - I will give myself that.

When I explained this to Sarah and another co-worker Daniel, they looked at me like I was crazy. Not just for trying to run the marathon, but for going back to running altogether. They think that running was a part of the problem. Thats not it. I mean, think about it - These past two weeks of my taper have been the easiest ones during my entire training - if it was running that was the problem, this back problem would have happened when I was running 45-50 miles a week, not 25. Everything I have ever researched on bulging disc's says that they are caused by accidents, heavy lifting, or a violent cough or sneeze. No heavy lifting or accident for me, but guess who has had a terrible cough for the past few days? Moi. Now listen, I am not going to be crazy and run if I feel even the slightest bit of weakness or problems. I swear. But I am not, I am NOT going to give up before I have even tried. My marathon packet with number and race shirt arrived in the mail today, and I would never forgive myself if I didn't try.

It's not just a weak back that I inherited from my family - I also got stubbornness, and the drive to overcome whatever obstacles stand in my way.